I just wonder how many people suffer in silence everyday with something and no one knows about it. They put the mask on of "Everything is alright!" "I'm fine", when in reality, there is such turmoil and despair. How many are pretending to be well when they actually are not? Why am I mentioning this? Well, I have been putting on the mask of "I have to stay strong because everything is going to be alright." The truth of the matter, it will be alright, but sometimes your inner most being don't truly believe that yet. Being a believer, you have faith however, sometimes the soul ache, wounds, or the pain can be very loud. This is just reality. No one told me that being Christian is easy or fun all the time, however, the difference is that I do have Jesus. And I may not feel Him all the time but I know He is here with me.
David was called a "man after God's own heart", after he sinned by murder and adultery. In the midst of being chased by his enemies and at times probably feeling very alone and lonely he always acknowledge God in the midst of it, praised Him in spite of his circumstances, and worship God anyhow.
Regardless of how my soul is feeling, needing, wanting at the end of it all---I must have you Jesus. You are the only one the can fill this void of loneliness that is in my heart. Why am I lonely? You can be in a crowd of people and still be lonely, sometimes you don't know why, you just know there is void that needs to be filled. For me, I've been single for six years, waiting on my husband---I'm 30 now, and after saying I am going to just focus on my God-given purpose, and who God's calling me to be---it doesn't change the desire to want to be enjoyed and to love someone. I want to fall in love and be in love, and I would love the company and the companionship of the opposite sex. I am meant to be married, not single for the rest of my life and the reality of being single isn't satisfying like it use to be---God said "man is not meant to be alone" that's why He created Eve for Adam---and I know this is God's will for me as well.
Anyway, there are days where I just don't know what to do with myself---so I find more activities, I try to encourage others in their struggle, I focus on getting my life together--but the void may dim down but every once in awhile, it peeks its head out to let me know it is still there. Yet, I know God will see me through this and give me all I need. He will perfect that which concerns me. And even when loneliess sometimes get louder than my own heart beat---I know He is there with me. Even in the midst of this right now---I am thinking of you, God, knowing that you are here even when I can not feel anything at all. Regardless of the ache where my souls cries out to be touched---faith rises up, hope rises up, my spirit rises up and stands to declare: I will trust in the Lord with all my heart, leaning not on my own understanding, however acknowledging you in all my ways knowing you will direct my path. You said NOTHING, can separate me from Your marvelous love---not even my thoughts or emotions about myself. You said, NEVER will you leave me nor forsake me. You said, You love me with your UNFAILING love. You said all of this as your promises to me. And in the midst of the noise of my thoughts; the cloudiness of my emotions; and even the cries of my heart---you are Here God to pull me out of the pit of despair and rescue me. Jesus, you are life to me and even when I feel alone and my life is at snail pace or things are not going according to plan---I will put my hope in you; I will put my trust in you. Your words hold perfect, pure, holy, and true. And the truth is you are the greatest Friend I could ever have. At the end of all of this---the most wonderful thing is that I am known by you, loved, by you, and thought of by you. You think of me as your Beloved; your Friend; Your Baby girl; Your Daughter.
Where am I? I am living my story. One sentence at a time, one paragraph at a time, one page at a time and one chapter at a time. And in this story, there isn't a conclusion because even after this life is over on this side--there is a whole another adventure to come in eternity with Him. And this story right now that I am living is life breathing; life giving; filled with hope, great joy, action and stories of triumphs and victories. And the leading man in my life in this story is JESUS CHRIST. I know God, you have great plans for me, and greater things are coming not just soon but in the months ahead. And as much as I would love to know what is in the next chapter of my life---it's best not to know because it would take the fun out of discovering.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Reality Check
Now that I am in school, I am around all types of people. And it was a reality check about how we are truly in a dying and sick world. I had a wake up call and I had to repent. The biggest distraction I believe can be ourselves. We can get so inward focus about what we are going through, what we don't have, what are lives are like I had to repent for that. Material possessions will burn up in the fire and every gifting given by God will not longer be needed when we die or when He returns. And yet, I am the most wealthiest person because I know Jesus Christ personally and intimately. However, those, who do not know Him, are the ones who lack.
My heart broke to the truth here I am walking around talking about what I want to do in my life and what my heart's desires are. But then, I go to school, I hear the heart wrenching stories of people in pain, hopeless, dying, and wanting to die because they do not know what to do. Jesus said in Matthew 9:12"Those who are healthy don't need a doctor, but the sick do.....vs 13 "For I didn't come to call the righteous, but sinners."
As Christians we forget what the purpose of all the giftings and the purpose of the teachings---to demonstrate what Jesus is really like. The giftings isn't for us, the anointing isn't for us---its for those who need a touch or a word from God that will snatch them out of the hands of the enemy, that will rescue them out of the most dangerous pit---that who Jesus died on the Christ for. Personally, I think a lot of us sit on pews on Sunday morning want to be spoon fed and wanting and wanting and wanting but not what wanting to give away what we already have. When having Him---we have everything. We lack nothing. Romans 12:3, Pauls says, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think." When "WE" is all that we think about and talk about isn't that thinking too highly of ourselves and our situation. "I can't do this, I don't have the faith for this, I don't know what to say, what will people think, what about my ministry, what about my family, what about my finances, what about my prophetic words, what about my calling, what about me, what about me, what about me?" Now I am not saying that we are not to come to God about us---however, for those who've been in the church for years, being imparted to, have the Holy Spirit and still just think of themselves....there is a problem. Just a thought.
As believers, we are the most wealthiest people on the planet. We are His children, He knows us by name and when we die, we will forever be in eternity with Him. But for those who don't know Him---our hearts need to break because I know His does. He wants to be known to the world and our duty is to make Him truly known. But first we got to get out of the way---and allow Holy Spirit to move the way He truly desires to. And the way to do that---less self-conscious and more God-conscious. Being other people minded than innerward focus.
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,
for the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted
and to proclaim that captives will be released
and prisoners will be freed.[a]
2 He has sent me to tell those who mourn
that the time of the Lord’s favor has come,[b]
and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.
3 To all who mourn in Israel,[c]
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.
He has sent us, anointed, giving us these graces for purposes that are in BOLD letters. Jesus, have mercy upon us---deliver us from ourselves so that we can be about the Kingdom and about what your heart is all about.
My point of saying all this is that---Jesus died on the cross for broken, hurt, messed up people---and we complain because we just don't have what we want.
We have Him, that is more than enough. He is the greatest gift and we get to share that gift to others. Let's get over ourselves so that we can impact a dying sin sick world and release God's love on the earth.
My heart broke to the truth here I am walking around talking about what I want to do in my life and what my heart's desires are. But then, I go to school, I hear the heart wrenching stories of people in pain, hopeless, dying, and wanting to die because they do not know what to do. Jesus said in Matthew 9:12"Those who are healthy don't need a doctor, but the sick do.....vs 13 "For I didn't come to call the righteous, but sinners."
As Christians we forget what the purpose of all the giftings and the purpose of the teachings---to demonstrate what Jesus is really like. The giftings isn't for us, the anointing isn't for us---its for those who need a touch or a word from God that will snatch them out of the hands of the enemy, that will rescue them out of the most dangerous pit---that who Jesus died on the Christ for. Personally, I think a lot of us sit on pews on Sunday morning want to be spoon fed and wanting and wanting and wanting but not what wanting to give away what we already have. When having Him---we have everything. We lack nothing. Romans 12:3, Pauls says, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think." When "WE" is all that we think about and talk about isn't that thinking too highly of ourselves and our situation. "I can't do this, I don't have the faith for this, I don't know what to say, what will people think, what about my ministry, what about my family, what about my finances, what about my prophetic words, what about my calling, what about me, what about me, what about me?" Now I am not saying that we are not to come to God about us---however, for those who've been in the church for years, being imparted to, have the Holy Spirit and still just think of themselves....there is a problem. Just a thought.
As believers, we are the most wealthiest people on the planet. We are His children, He knows us by name and when we die, we will forever be in eternity with Him. But for those who don't know Him---our hearts need to break because I know His does. He wants to be known to the world and our duty is to make Him truly known. But first we got to get out of the way---and allow Holy Spirit to move the way He truly desires to. And the way to do that---less self-conscious and more God-conscious. Being other people minded than innerward focus.
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,
for the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted
and to proclaim that captives will be released
and prisoners will be freed.[a]
2 He has sent me to tell those who mourn
that the time of the Lord’s favor has come,[b]
and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.
3 To all who mourn in Israel,[c]
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.
He has sent us, anointed, giving us these graces for purposes that are in BOLD letters. Jesus, have mercy upon us---deliver us from ourselves so that we can be about the Kingdom and about what your heart is all about.
My point of saying all this is that---Jesus died on the cross for broken, hurt, messed up people---and we complain because we just don't have what we want.
We have Him, that is more than enough. He is the greatest gift and we get to share that gift to others. Let's get over ourselves so that we can impact a dying sin sick world and release God's love on the earth.
Monday, January 17, 2011
God be for Me, who Can be against me
This is so crazy! Here I am getting excited about going back to school however, uncertainty and doubt is screaming at me. Yelling at me--maybe you should think about this. Maybe you should wait a little longer just to make sure you want to do this. Maybe you are not ready for this? Maybe you are not hearing correctly and should wait for some confirmation that this is truly from God? Maybe? Maybe? Maybe? The famous question the devil asked Jesus, "If you are the Son of God?" The famous question the devil asked Eve, "Did God really say..." This must indicate that I must be going in the right direction because doubt is trying to scream louder than the still small voice that tells me, "Go for it! You never know until you try it! I am with you." As God spoke to Joshua as they went to claim their Promised Land, "Do not be discouraged or afraid, for I am with you."
My prayer, is that the voice of God will become much louder than any barks of doubt or fear, or uncertainty. Confident in knowing that God is with me. He is for me. He delights so much in me. And He is the one that I put my trust in. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. My greatest enemy right now isn't people, circumstances, or the enemy---its myself. Believing in myself to achieve the impossible; doing the outrageous; being a History Maker and World Changer for the sake of the Kingdom. Living to give God glory through all the work of my hands.
My prayer, is that the voice of God will become much louder than any barks of doubt or fear, or uncertainty. Confident in knowing that God is with me. He is for me. He delights so much in me. And He is the one that I put my trust in. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. My greatest enemy right now isn't people, circumstances, or the enemy---its myself. Believing in myself to achieve the impossible; doing the outrageous; being a History Maker and World Changer for the sake of the Kingdom. Living to give God glory through all the work of my hands.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Wild Goose Chase
"A part of use feels as if something is spiritually wrong with us when we experience circumstantial uncertainty. But that is precisely what Jesus promised us when we are born of the Spirit and start follwing Him. Most of us will have no idea where we are going most of the time. And I know that is unsettling. But circumstantial uncertainty also goes by another name: adventure...I think it is only fair that I give a Wild Goose warning at the outset of this book: nothing is more unnerving or disorienting than passionately pursuing God. And the sooner we come to terms with that spiritual reality, the more we will enjoy the journey..." ~ Mark Batterson from the book "Wild Goose Chase"
I do not know about anybody else. However, the beginning of this year has felt like a big white canvas. For those who are not artist, if you are beginning to start painting and someone gives you a big canvas to paint on--it can be intimidating because you are not quite sure what to do with it.
For me, God has upgraded me to step into a bigger place, much broader place and much spacious place. He is making room for me to grow, think bigger, bolder, and much more brighter. I do not know where this path is going to lead me however that is the wonderful thing about adventure---you don't know where you are going. I know for me when I am out in nature and I see a side path that is off the main route---I usually take it just to see where it leads to. You never know what you will discover on that route. It may be a dead end OR it maybe a place a lot more exciting than the orginial path I was taking.
I am heading in a new adventure that I never thought I would do--I fought the idea of it and again God's timing is everything. I am in the perfect place and season for it. My new adventure is going to school. What for: Criminal Justice. And I know its God because I am not concerned about what kind of degree I am going to get, I am not concerned about the amount of money I am going to make, I am not concerned about how to pay for this---what I see when I heard this is all the people I could influence for the Kingdom of God; different ways that God could touch people's heart and transform lives not to mention impact the culture around me. I felt the pleasure of God all over it. What is this going to look like? Where is it going to take me? Who knows? One thing that I am discovering about God, when you ask Him for an adventure, He will give you one---and it may not look the way you thought it would or how you wanted it to, however, He never disappoints. I am going to enjoy this journey because I believe I am going to experience the pleasure of God in the midst of it not to mention His presence all over it. I get to enjoy God. And He get to enjoy me enjoying Him.
I do not know about anybody else. However, the beginning of this year has felt like a big white canvas. For those who are not artist, if you are beginning to start painting and someone gives you a big canvas to paint on--it can be intimidating because you are not quite sure what to do with it.
For me, God has upgraded me to step into a bigger place, much broader place and much spacious place. He is making room for me to grow, think bigger, bolder, and much more brighter. I do not know where this path is going to lead me however that is the wonderful thing about adventure---you don't know where you are going. I know for me when I am out in nature and I see a side path that is off the main route---I usually take it just to see where it leads to. You never know what you will discover on that route. It may be a dead end OR it maybe a place a lot more exciting than the orginial path I was taking.
I am heading in a new adventure that I never thought I would do--I fought the idea of it and again God's timing is everything. I am in the perfect place and season for it. My new adventure is going to school. What for: Criminal Justice. And I know its God because I am not concerned about what kind of degree I am going to get, I am not concerned about the amount of money I am going to make, I am not concerned about how to pay for this---what I see when I heard this is all the people I could influence for the Kingdom of God; different ways that God could touch people's heart and transform lives not to mention impact the culture around me. I felt the pleasure of God all over it. What is this going to look like? Where is it going to take me? Who knows? One thing that I am discovering about God, when you ask Him for an adventure, He will give you one---and it may not look the way you thought it would or how you wanted it to, however, He never disappoints. I am going to enjoy this journey because I believe I am going to experience the pleasure of God in the midst of it not to mention His presence all over it. I get to enjoy God. And He get to enjoy me enjoying Him.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Love's Definition
God, you are so amazing! Again, I thank you for your Son, Jesus Christ, dying on the cross and taking on all the punishment and wrath of my sins so that I could live by your grace and relentless love and longsuffering. Thank you so much that even if I fall short or when you examine my heart and issues come to the surface, they are completely under the blood. Jesus you died for the sins of the past, present, and future---so I get the gift of repentance. Changing the way I think.
What I am really loving is that you are expanding my understanding of the cross more and more. How much you loved me! How much you truly was in love with me! How much you so believed in me and what Father God has created me to do---you were beaten until no recognition; you were ridiculed, spat upon, persecuted---you embrace that cross, died, and then was buried and was RAISED ON THE THIRD DAY!!!
I grew up hearing about the cross; hearing about Jesus dying for me---however the more and more I get to know God---He's opening my heart to fresh revelation of what He has done so that I can truly appreciate the freedom I get to walk in. Jesus died to give me abundant life. He exchanged all the pain; suffering, sorrows, and hopelessness of this world so I could have His great joy, peace, love, rest, kindness---His nature and character. When we still wallow in failure; mistakes; shame; hopelessness; and issues--we really haven't embraced the fullness of what Christ Jesus did. IT IS FINISHED. And to live a life less than what He paid the most ultimate price for-- It would like be spitting on the cross and stating what He did wasn't enough.
We want to live like we know what He did. The Cross is a gruesome picture however, its not something to grieve---He's not dead. He's alive and well. The Cross is a poetic picture of a Lover willing to lay down His life for His Love so she could live---BOLDLY AND BEAUTIFUL for all the world to see. We should be so love, so astonished by God; so in awe of who He is and His great love for us that we shout it to the roof tops for all the world to see and to know this type of love. God is not obsessed with sin---its already been taken care of---He's obsessed with life!!!
"Then I saw Him there
Hanging on a tree, looking at me
I saw Him there
Hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me looking at Him, staring through me
I could not escape those beautiful eyes
And I began to weep and weep" ~ Lyrics by Misty Edwards, "Arms Wide Open"
What I am really loving is that you are expanding my understanding of the cross more and more. How much you loved me! How much you truly was in love with me! How much you so believed in me and what Father God has created me to do---you were beaten until no recognition; you were ridiculed, spat upon, persecuted---you embrace that cross, died, and then was buried and was RAISED ON THE THIRD DAY!!!
I grew up hearing about the cross; hearing about Jesus dying for me---however the more and more I get to know God---He's opening my heart to fresh revelation of what He has done so that I can truly appreciate the freedom I get to walk in. Jesus died to give me abundant life. He exchanged all the pain; suffering, sorrows, and hopelessness of this world so I could have His great joy, peace, love, rest, kindness---His nature and character. When we still wallow in failure; mistakes; shame; hopelessness; and issues--we really haven't embraced the fullness of what Christ Jesus did. IT IS FINISHED. And to live a life less than what He paid the most ultimate price for-- It would like be spitting on the cross and stating what He did wasn't enough.
We want to live like we know what He did. The Cross is a gruesome picture however, its not something to grieve---He's not dead. He's alive and well. The Cross is a poetic picture of a Lover willing to lay down His life for His Love so she could live---BOLDLY AND BEAUTIFUL for all the world to see. We should be so love, so astonished by God; so in awe of who He is and His great love for us that we shout it to the roof tops for all the world to see and to know this type of love. God is not obsessed with sin---its already been taken care of---He's obsessed with life!!!
"Then I saw Him there
Hanging on a tree, looking at me
I saw Him there
Hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me looking at Him, staring through me
I could not escape those beautiful eyes
And I began to weep and weep" ~ Lyrics by Misty Edwards, "Arms Wide Open"
Friday, December 31, 2010
Believing is Seeing
What a year! It's been a year of great test and trials. But also a great year of some victories and triumphs. I am a lot stronger, wiser, and a whole lot better. Just Marvin Sapp said in His song, "Never would have Made it"
I am not what I was a year ago, by the grace of God and I stepping into a whole new me--and that's also by the grace of God. 2011 is still uncertain and unknown---however, that just means great adventures of faith and exciting exploits to come.
TO THE BRIDE OF CHRIST AND THOSE STRUGGLING IN THEIR FAITH:
2 Corinthians 4:18 (New King James Version)
18 while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
I know for me personally, when I look at the church and even things at my life---it can seem discouraging and down right depressing at times. However--I realize, that's been my problem. My focus was in the wrong place. God promised that He keep those in perfect peace whose minds stay on Him. We can get so caught up with the lack and what's missing--seeing the opposition and resistance bigger than God when actually it doesn't come close to measure just how BIG He is.
Holy Spirit reminded me that I do not go to church to get fed or to even try to change things. I go to worship Him with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. I go for Him. Anything we do is all for the glory of God and a lifestyle and attitude of worship. Doing everything as unto Him. It's about setting great exprectations in God's ability to shift things because we know we can't do it. It's way beyond our abilities which is perfect. The greater the obstacle, the mountains, the resistance just reveal to us just who God is going to be for us. This means the bigger He is going to provide, the bigger the miracle that is coming, means the bigger the magnitude His presence is going to manifest. We must not be discouraged by what we see however, be encouraged by what God is about to do for His Bride. To start getting excited because the BEST IS YET TO COME. The REVIVAL FIRE IS COMING, THE GREAT AWAKENING IS COMING, THE TRUMPETS ARE SOUNDING BECAUSE THE LION OF THE TRIBE OF JUDAH IS COMING.
I know for me personally, when I look at the church and even things at my life---it can seem discouraging and down right depressing at times. However--I realize, that's been my problem. My focus was in the wrong place. God promised that He keep those in perfect peace whose minds stay on Him. We can get so caught up with the lack and what's missing--seeing the opposition and resistance bigger than God when actually it doesn't come close to measure just how BIG He is.
Holy Spirit reminded me that I do not go to church to get fed or to even try to change things. I go to worship Him with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. I go for Him. Anything we do is all for the glory of God and a lifestyle and attitude of worship. Doing everything as unto Him. It's about setting great exprectations in God's ability to shift things because we know we can't do it. It's way beyond our abilities which is perfect. The greater the obstacle, the mountains, the resistance just reveal to us just who God is going to be for us. This means the bigger He is going to provide, the bigger the miracle that is coming, means the bigger the magnitude His presence is going to manifest. We must not be discouraged by what we see however, be encouraged by what God is about to do for His Bride. To start getting excited because the BEST IS YET TO COME. The REVIVAL FIRE IS COMING, THE GREAT AWAKENING IS COMING, THE TRUMPETS ARE SOUNDING BECAUSE THE LION OF THE TRIBE OF JUDAH IS COMING.
Galatians 6:9 (Amplified Bible)
9And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint.
Jesus said in John 16:33 Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD."
This is extraordinary GOOD NEWS. We must live in His Majesty, His Faithfulness, His Strength because He is Lord and Ruler over everything. We must no longer magnify the works of evil or the obtstacles opposing us---Let us Magnify our God; Exalt Him and just how Big He is and set our hearts upon His Supernatural abilities; His truth; His word, His heart; His power because it will take God to do this--we just get to partner with God by simply believing He is going to do it. We trust Him for the outcome and how He choses to orchestrate and manifest who He is, that's up to Him. Let's kick devil butt by walking in the opposite spirit and keep our eyes wholeheartedly and fixated on the Splendor, the Majesty, the Brilliance, the Loveliness, the Lordship of our King. Because its finished. The enemy is a defeated foe already.
A shift will happen when we will actually see that we are to rest in complete confidence in who He is---He is God....We are Not. And even though there is a lot of uncertainties about things to come--it is knowing that He has a great plan, and purpose for His Bride. And we get to rest in who He is.
Jesus said in John 16:33 Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD."
This is extraordinary GOOD NEWS. We must live in His Majesty, His Faithfulness, His Strength because He is Lord and Ruler over everything. We must no longer magnify the works of evil or the obtstacles opposing us---Let us Magnify our God; Exalt Him and just how Big He is and set our hearts upon His Supernatural abilities; His truth; His word, His heart; His power because it will take God to do this--we just get to partner with God by simply believing He is going to do it. We trust Him for the outcome and how He choses to orchestrate and manifest who He is, that's up to Him. Let's kick devil butt by walking in the opposite spirit and keep our eyes wholeheartedly and fixated on the Splendor, the Majesty, the Brilliance, the Loveliness, the Lordship of our King. Because its finished. The enemy is a defeated foe already.
A shift will happen when we will actually see that we are to rest in complete confidence in who He is---He is God....We are Not. And even though there is a lot of uncertainties about things to come--it is knowing that He has a great plan, and purpose for His Bride. And we get to rest in who He is.
Tonya
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)